ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
