Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
