Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
