I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
