This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
