I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
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if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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