Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
