Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
