I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
