The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
