So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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