when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
