Pappa wants mamma naked
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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