i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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