you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
