That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
