Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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