he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
don't judge my taste in strippers
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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