I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
