so explain again why im purple
no
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
