Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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