If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
