so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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