no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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