I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
