the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
