There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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