he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
