if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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