So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
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And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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