saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
