It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
