He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
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