i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize