so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
