Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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