She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
