Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
