I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
