So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
