good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How external is "for external use only"?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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