call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
