I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
