Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
