WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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