saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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