I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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