There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
