i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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