If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
