You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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