There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
