Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
