Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
