I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
