There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
