I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
