Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
