Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My dick has a subreddit
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
