I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
