If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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