my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
