THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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