her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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