Where did you get a picture of my penis
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
