I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
