Will you blow on my dice?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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