he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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