Swine flu. Run for my life!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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