So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
