I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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