Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
