He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
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My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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