There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I could make wine with my vomit
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
