so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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