I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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